Turkey Passes On Presidential Pardon From Trump
Posted by Jim on November 5, 2019
WASHINGTON, D.C. — It’s been a longstanding tradition in America for the sitting president to “pardon” a turkey in the week leading up to Thanksgiving. However, this year the condemned gobbler has issued a statement “passing” on a presidential pardon from Donald Trump because it didn’t want to be “associated with the kinds of d-bag and a-holes” Trump has already pardoned.
“Thanks, but, no thanks,” Sir Waddleneck Magilicuddy’s lawyer wrote in an official declination of the pardon this weekend. “While we are grateful for the offer, Mr. Magilicuddy would rather be killed, plucked, gutted, carved, and eaten than be associated with Dinesh D’Souza, Joe Arpaio, or Scooter Libby.”
